Episode 16 ("A New Hope")

Let's Start With Mantras and Gratitude

"Enjoy It, You Can Do It, I'm Ready for You"

I am a firm believer that no person is an island, and success is only possible as a result of love and support of friends, family, and coaches.  I would be remiss if I didn't dedicate this race report to the friends and family that nursed me back to sporting health and enabled me to find joy again.  Without further ado, thank you to Brittany, Sloanie, and Chandler bear.  The fulfillment I get as a husband and father is my chief source of happiness and self worth.  Thank you to Dida and SherPa who have been tirelessly supporting my pursuits, and schlepping me around the world since the late 80's.  Thank you to my siblings Jacko, Lum Lum, RD (aka Rocky Balboner), and Bobby Bondurant.  Your love and support is always felt from near and far.  Jacko has been at both of my KQ races...there might be some special magic there :) 

Thank you to my mother in law, Amy, and her beau, Giani.  Your help in watching our girls enables my crazy work and training schedule.  Thank you to my childhood swim coach (and lucky charm), Jeanna Bouzek.  How many people still have their coach from when they were 8 cheering them on at races at age 41?!?!?! Thank you to my dear friends and training partners, Graham, Joe, Chris, Steve, Jason, Ian, Alden, and Trey.  We have put in many miles together and they are the ultimate hype men.  Thank you to Bryan Schleppy, a friend I made in 2019 at Ironman Chattanooga, and despite barely knowing each other, has always had my back and was so kind and generous during our stay in Chatt.  Thank you to Katy McBryar and her boys, Eli and Baker.  They hosted my wife and kids and drove them to like 15 different spots on the course.  Your generosity made my race unequivocally less stressful and more fun.  Thank you to Eric Limkemann, my coach of the previous 8 years.  His work got me to a world class level I could not have reached alone.

Thank you to Matt Hurley of Wyld Endurance, my coach and dear friend.  You have coached my body and mind to new levels, and unlocked something in me I thought was lost.  I feel like having you as a coach is like having a triathlon cheat code (you are the up/up/down/down/left/right/left/right/B/A/B/A/ select/start of coaches...#IFYKYK), and I can't wait to see what we can do moving forward.  Thank you to Dr. Paul Knackstedt, my sports psychologist.  You helped me understand and re-frame my relationship to sport and to myself.  You enabled me to do something that is not easy for me....race with a smile on my face while having confidence.  You also gave me the tools to accept what I can control and how I can react to situations.  Words can't describe how much you have helped me.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I've been involved in endurance sport for a loooong time... 35 years if you count my pre-triathlon swimming career.  The only period I wasn't actively involved in endurance sport was 2005-2007 when I hadn't yet discovered triathlon.  Unfortunately, for my wife, I did (Sorry Britt, I love you!).  My first Ironman was 2011, and I think Chattanooga was my 16th attempt.  I'm sure I could ascertain the actual number, but for the sake of ease let's call it lucky number 16.

I've made no secret of my recent history with the sport.  After breaking through in late 2017, I had a string of forgettable races.  In fact, my last Ironman attempt in 2019 ended with me lying on the side of the road waiting for medical.  In hindsight, I was overcooked physically and mentally.  I was chasing outcomes and expecting to feel fulfilled.  There was no joy, just checking boxes.  I had an unhealthy focus on times/placing/podiums.  Every race soured feelings toward myself and the sport.  I had no confidence, was having no fun, and was training and racing as a matter of habit more than a matter of choice.  Addiction to fitness is real, and I have it.  

I've been open about my mental health struggles which are often inextricably tied to my sporting pursuits.  I have had bouts of depression since college, and for the last five years, occasional episodes of anxiety.  Often my downward cycles are triggered by a bad result, poor training, or injury.  My negativity culminated last fall at Waco 70.3.  After having a strong swim and bike, and being among the lead amateurs on the run, I quit.  I can say that now with no reservations.  Despite objectively being in a good position on course, I could not physically will myself to keep going.  I was trapped in a negative thought vortex and had no fight left to give.  The shame and guilt associated with "quitting" forced me to take a real hard look at myself.  It was time to either move away from the sport or change my preparation.  If I were to continue, I would need some serious help.  Enter the super team of Matt Hurley and Dr. Knackstedt.

Beginning last winter, I started with a different training approach and started working with Dr. K and Matt.  Slowly but surely, they helped rebuild my fragile mind and body into something resembling a useful triathlete again.  Their involvement in my development allowed me to focus first on being a good husband and father, and second on being a good athlete.  I stopped defining myself with sport, and helped me further re-align my real value as what I can be for my family.  Slowly, I began to find confidence, and was loving my training and racing experience.  By the time I reached this Ironman build, I was fitter, faster, happier, and more well rounded than I ever have been before.  My priorities are in the right order and my fabulous family is a testament to that.  

Pre-Race

We arrived in Chattanooga on Thursday evening and began to get settled in.  Friday morning, I got down to athlete check in and knocked out my swim/bike/run sessions for the day.  The body and equipment was all feeling/looking good.  I got to hang with my buddy Bryan at athlete village, and had a great day spending time with family.  In the evening I started the tedious job of getting my transition and special needs bags ready.  I did last minute checks on the bike, and installed the ice friction chain.  Saturday morning I slept in a bit and my kids did the IronKids race.  I had a great time running with Sloanie, and Chandler begrudging did the toddler race with Britt.  After brunch, I returned to transition for bike and bag check-in.  I prefer to get it out of the way so I am not staring at and tinkering with the bike and bags all day.  Drop off went smooth, and I familiarized myself with the flow of transition.

After check-in, mom, dad, Jacko, and I went up to see the monuments on Lookout Mountain.  It was a gorgeous day, and one of the best things about Ironman weekend is getting to spend so much time with my family.  We followed our sightseeing adventure with a trip down to Katie's house to see my girls and hang out at the pool.  As an aside, one thing no one can explain to you before you become a parent is how often you will need a break, but also how the second you are away, you are dying to see those little b^stards again.  I'm so lucky to have had both during my race weekend.  During one of my last therapy sessions, Dr. K asked me an important question about the race.  "How would you define a successful day?"  At the time he asked, I had absolutely no answer, but as I thought about it, the answer became very clear.

• 
  Race Joyfully
• Being Present in the moment
• Stick to the plan, race my race, blinders on
• Don't make the race more excruciating than it needs to be, but be prepared to suffer the last two hours
• Trust my preparation
• Get to the finish and feel proud regardless of place and time
• Break the mind body negativity connection on the run
• Hug and kiss my girls at every opportunity
• Roll with what the day gives
• Enjoy eating a million calories, and eat a million calories
• I don't "have" to do this.  I "get" to do this
• Be grateful for the opportunity to be great
  

None of my goals included a goal time, goal pace, placing, podium position, or Kona Qualification.  Of course those things are always present in the back of my mind, but I am in such a different place that regardless of those metrics, if I accomplished as many of the above goals as possible, then the day would be an unqualified success.  My mission was clear and I laid down at about 8:30 p.m. in an effort to get as much sleep as possible.

Race Morning

My alarm was set for 4 a.m., and typical of a pre-race night I only got a few hours of broken sleep.  Much to my chagrin, the weather was rainy.  The forecast called for a break in the rain during the swim followed by a brief period of rain ending at about 9 a.m. (this would not be the case).  For breakfast I had 100 grams of carbohydrate in the form of applesauce and instant oatmeal.  I sipped on some diluted Maurten 160 for some extra calories.  I made my way down to transition and met Graham.  We got our gear in order, did our final checks, and made our way to the shuttle down to swim start.  We got to swim start on the early side, which was good, because it was quiet and the "facilities" were wide open.  We hung out and chatted for about an hour and I snacked on a Maurten 225 bar.  As the light of day rose, we changed our position toward the water for the 7:30 a.m. start.  We donned our wetsuits and I had a Maurten gel about 20 minutes prior to the gun.  Graham elected to go right at the beginning of the first wave whereas I was in no rush to get in the water.  I knew I would pass a lot of people in the water, and with any luck Graham and I would come out together and actually ride some of the course together.  I ended up about 7 minutes back and as I walked down the ramp the Macklemore song "Can't Hold Us" was pumping through the speakers.  It was the perfect jam for the moment.  I felt an odd sense of calm as I approached the water and resigned myself to my plan.  I was determined to race for myself, and ignore everything on the outside.  

Swim (39:53/1st AG/5th Male/5th OA)

My marching orders for the swim were to swim as easy as possible, and if it didn't feel easy than swim easier.  The current was absolutely ripping, and this split is patently absurd.  My swim fitness is as good as it has been for 10 years, but sub 40 is nonsense.  In addition to the current, the swim was wetsuit legal.  The water temp was hovering around 76.1 in the days prior to the event which means there was a 120% chance that Ironman would find a nice deep cool spot to measure  water temp on race morning.  The majority of athletes prefer wetsuit legal swims and Ironman knows where its bread is buttered...voila wetsuits!  

The swim went by quickly and felt good (after the first 1000 yards).  In the first 1000 I had tightness in my shoulders as a result of  wetsuit restriction.  After 10 minutes, it subsided, and the rest of the way was smooth sailing.  I had clean lines, kept my route inside of the buoys and encountered almost no swim traffic.  My 500 splits were all ticking off right around 5:00 each, so I knew the split would be fast.  As I exited the water, my goal was to be slow and steady.  We were trying to avoid building any unnecessary lactic acid or spiking my heart rate.  I was slow and steady through transition which was totally uneventful. I hit a Maurten gel as I put on my helmet and shoes. As I got on the bike, it was still dry and I was hoping it would stay that way.  Alas, it was not to be, and the next 5 hours was going to be quite hairy at times.

Bike (5:10:06/1st AG/12th Male/12th OA)

Avg Power 240/Norm Power 253/Avg HR 138/Avg Speed 22.3

The plan on the bike can be summarized with two concepts, heart rate and calories.  I planned to ride between 135-140 bpm with a hard cap of 145 bpm.  I ignored power and focused instead on 80-90g of carbohydrate per hour along with 40 oz of fluid.  I was supposed to increase the amount of Gatorade consumption in the back half of the ride to pump up the electrolyte content.  

In the first hour, I had a bottle of Maurten 320 and water.  Including the gel in transition that put me at 105g of carbs and about 40 oz of fluid.  In the second hour I had another Maurten 320 and a Maurten Solid 225,  This amounted to 120g of carbs supplemented with water.  In hour 3, I stopped at special needs (which I was on the fence about) and grabbed a third bottle that had two Maurten 160s mixed together.  This gave me another 80g of carbs and I began sipping Gatorade Endurance.  For the remainder of the ride, I utilized Maurten gels and Gatorade Endurance for my calories and electrolytes.  Hour four was a bottle of Endurance and two gels amounting to 90g of carbohydrate.  Sometime during the 3rd or 4th hour I started peeing on a fairly regular basis so I knew I was well hydrated.  In the latter parts of the ride I would pee within 5 minutes of last fluid consumption.  The 5th hour was the same, and included another bottle of Endurance and two more gels (90g carbs).  I was also sipping water for change of pace.  I saved one more gel (25g carbs) for the home stretch so I was topped off going into the run.  This was by far the most carbohydrates I've ever taken during an Ironman bike, and my energy was both excellent and consistent.  There was no fade, and the second loop was at least as strong as the first and probably stronger.  On the looped section of the course I split 2:05:44 and 2:05:33 respectively with the first loop including the stop at special needs.  

The weather during the ride was absolutely crazy.  About 5 miles in it started drizzling and by mile 10 it was pouring rain with a cross head wind.  That was when the thunder and lightning started.  Fortunately, the lightning was far off in the distance, and did not give me any real concern.  However, the gusts of wind were downright terrifying.  Once or twice a huge crosswind almost knocked me off my bike.  The combination of soaked roads and windy conditions made some sections of the course pretty dangerous.  This was one time I was glad to be 6'5 and 185 pounds.  I'm sure it was even more scary for those riders that are much smaller and susceptible to the wind.  

Unbeknownst to me, I came out of the water within a minute of Graham and he passed me like I was going backwards around mile 10.  He made a joke about grabbing my ass and then left me in the dust.  I was happy he was feeling good and thought to myself, "I guess that's the last I will see of him today!" (he's a stronger runner for sure).  Despite being dusted by my training partner, I kept the blinders on and stuck to my plan like glue.  Somewhere around mile 40-50 I caught back up to Graham on a climb, and got close enough to slap him on the butt and tell him how happy I was to see him.  We rode in proximity for about 20 miles before we lost touch.

The whole day I stared at my HR monitor, and focused on keeping it under 140.  I never wavered and stayed consistent all day.  I was blissfully ignorant of my power and didn't care.  I knew if I rode my HR, the power would take care of itself.  Typical of this course, I was passed by a few riders during the first loop, but rewarded for consistency on the second loop.  I started overtaking riders, and during the last 10 mile straight away I overtook three competitors.  The temperatures stayed in the 60's with high humidity and I was cool/cold for most of the ride.  It certainly helped keep the HR low as opposed to the blistering conditions we usually get at this race.  I was anticipating a much faster bike split based on Best Bike Split predictions, but the wind and rain made for a slow day and it was reflected in the splits of most of the top competitors.  On a warm dry day, I think this same ride would have put me closer to 5 hours.

Overall, the ride went by quickly, and despite the scary weather conditions I enjoyed every minute of it.  The increased calories were critical and made me realize how depleted I have been in previous races.  It's amazing what happens when you stick to the plan!  As I rolled into T2, my mindset was strong and I was ready to tick off the run miles with positivity.  The change into my run gear was relatively smooth, but I was feeling a bit of stomach discomfort so I dropped into the porta-potty before I hit the run course.  It cost me a minute or two, but I wanted to make sure I started the run in the best possible position.

Run (3:44:07, Avg HR 138, 8th AG, 48th Male, 58th OA)

The weather cleared on the run and suddenly it was bright and sunny, but not overly hot.  I agonized over which shoes to wear.  I am fortunate to have all the carbon super shoe options at my disposal.  Ultimately, I decided to go with the Asics Metaspeed Sky+.  They might not be quite as fast as the Alphaflys, but they feel the lightest, with the most "pop".  The plan on the run was similarly defined by HR and calories.  The goal was to run at 135-140 HR with a hard cap under 145.  This would be a challenge given the hilly nature of the run course.  The goal was to hit two gels per hour with Gatorade and coke at each aid station (50-60g carbs/hour).  The plan was to make sure I slowed sufficiently at each age station to get the proper amount of hydration (5-10 deliberate steps).  I also planned to take a lick of base salt after each 10K. 

I did not look at pace at all, and set my watch to auto split at 5 mile increments.  "Blinders on, keep the HR steady, the results will take care of themselves".  I ran blissfully ignorant of  pace, and it was the most enjoyable Ironman marathon I've ever done.  It wasn't flashy or particularly fast, but it was steady and consistent, and got the job done.  I never thought about my standing or a Kona slot, I just focused on ticking off each mile at the right HR while getting in the calories I needed.  Typically my wheels fall off somewhere around mile 13-15.  Matt had told me my race wasn't going to start until Mile 18.  I was laser focused on getting to 18.

The first 10 miles went by surprisingly quick, and I continued to feel strong.  There were a few runners passing me, but not  many.  I knew from my prior experience  that the hills on the second loop are where the race is won or lost.  If I was still grinding on the hills in the second loop I would finish well.  I got through the hills of the first loop steady and consistent and headed back out on the second loop feeling strong.  When I hit mile 15 I still felt strong.  I could feel muscle fatigue in my quads and hamstrings, but it was still manageable.  I knew that if I could get to Mile 18 with my head still in the game, this was going to be a successful day.

I ended up increasing the calories more than planned.  In the first hour I had the two gels along with Gatorade and Coke.  In the second hour I listened more to my body.  When I started to feel more fatigue or fog, I chalked it up to glycogen depletion and popped an extra gel.  I think I took three gels over the next hour along with the Gatorade/Coke.  After mile 10 I  took in more Base Salt.  I was doing two licks per serving instead of one.  Every time I felt the slightest hint of cramping I would take another hit or two of salt.  I was taking it in about every 2-3 miles.  When I got to Mile 18 still feeling relatively strong I thought, "this is working, I am in uncharted territory".  From that point forward, I  focused on each mile as it came.  From mile 20-25 I slowed a bit, but not like years past.  I never stopped running and took a bit more time at the aid stations, but kept grinding at a steady pace.  As I crossed the bridge onto the second loop of hills, I thought, "5K of hell and then I'm home free".  I knew the downhill running would be the worst part and if I could keep  cramps at bay going downhill I would be okay.  

My family was on fire supporting me all day.  They were everywhere on course.  Every time I saw my girls I tried to give at least one of them a kiss.  Jeanna, Jackie, mom and dad were everywhere I needed them.  Jacko kept yelling, "check the boxes".  Jeanna was yelling "stick to the plan".  It was the perfect amount of encouragement.  Each time I saw them, I tried to give an indication that I was physically and mentally strong.  This was a totally different Ironman experience.  Of all the goals I set out for myself, I was most successful at racing with joy and gratitude and not making the race excruciating when it didn't need to be.  I stayed engaged and mentally present, and dare I say it was fun.

The last 5 miles were tough, and I was walking a fine line with cramping.  I was able to survive the hills, but the last downhill coming off Barton  Avenue was too much for the old meat sticks, and I had to walk the first time during Mile 25.  It was a short respite, and by the time I hit the footbridge I could smell the finish line and dug deep and increased my pace. Jeanna was there giving me a last bit of encouragement, and when I came off the bridge and passed back under it I looked up and saw Jeanna screaming from above.  I raised my arms yelled to her, and got ready for the finish chute.  I ran down that finish chute with pride and hit the finish line in the best physical condition of all my prior races.  "Daniel Royce from Midlothian, Virginia, you are an Ironman".  I knew I had a good day, but did not know my placing in the AG or the field at large.  

As  I walked through the finish area, I saw my family.  Dad told me I was third in the AG.  It was at that point I first thought I had a good chance to get back to Kona.  There was a high likelihood that my age group would have up to 5 Kona Slots.  I had faith, I stuck to the plan, I focused on what I could control, and the results took care of themselves.  Most importantly, I raced with joy and felt proud of my effort.  I have never felt so at peace with my effort in a competition of any kind.  The possibility of Kona felt like icing on the cake.  What a day! I felt so grateful for everything the previous hours had given me.

Post-Race:  Back to Kona Baby!!!!!

The following morning we went to awards, and I was grateful to stand on the podium with some fantastic competitors.  I met one of the guys I rode with on course, Joe McLeod.  He just missed a Kona slot in the 35-39 AG, but  is a super strong competitor with a great attitude, and I have no doubt he will punch his ticket soon.  It is so enjoyable meeting other athletes and learning about how they manage to train and race given their family and work situations.  I found out at awards  there would be 5 Kona slots, and proudly claimed mine when the time came.  Bryan Schleppy went out of his way to come to the awards and brought me a Lei to wear while I collected my Kona Slot. I told my dad that the first KQ felt a little bit like a fluke, but this one felt more like I was in control...it felt more real.

I feel so proud and happy in a way I have not previously experienced.  I also feel content which is totally foreign to me, but quite calming.  I am different, and feel as though I still have better races in front of me.  Father time is undefeated, but I am not yet ready to concede to him.  I genuinely believe  there are PRs still in front of me, and look forward to applying another year of this training methodology to prepare for Kona.

If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my musings (I tend to be long winded in these reports).  As always, I welcome any questions or feedback and I am happy to chat with anyone about how I train, race, fuel, and manage to be a semi-responsible member of society.  Thanks for reading!!!!  Aloha!!!!!

Control the Suffering, Don't let the Suffering Control You

Ironman Chattanooga Race Report:  2022 North American Championship

4:34:06, 8th Place Men 40-44, 48th Overall

After the Waco debacle, I made changes in my personal and sports lives which led me on a rewarding journey of personal growth.  The road is not without its bumps, and my wife can attest I am a work in progress.  I made it my overarching mission to grow in all facets of my life, and find joy in the constant challenge of being the best husband, father, athlete, and lawyer.  I take particular pride in the first two.  I can confidently say I’m a kick ass husband and dad, and I’m really proud of that.    Everything else in my life could blow up tomorrow, and I know at my core I am a success in the two most important facets of my life.  There is great comfort in that.

If you make the right sacrifices, you can be and have it all.  The best part is when my priorities are straight, sacrifices don’t feel much like sacrifices…it’s all reward. Thank god, I have the best partner who always nudges me toward the right decisions which gave me a life I couldn’t have imagined 15 years ago.  She challenges me, pushes me, calls me on my BS, and loves and supports me despite my idiosyncrasies (of which there are many).

To borrow a phrase from the Armchair Expert, Dax Shepard, the only person you can truly compare yourself to is earlier versions of yourself.  In that regard, I am learning not to be so hard on myself, and overcome self defeating thoughts that have always been so prevalent in my head.  I’ve found that by focusing on general personal growth it’s much easier to view myself as a success.

So What Changed…

To those still along for the ride, I promise I will get to the race.  Gotta get through the heavy stuff first.  I promise we are almost out of the weeds, so fire up your weed eaters and hang with me for a few more minutes.

Starting in the New Year I implemented some big changes.  I added another therapist to the mix, a sports psychologist.  For those keeping score, that makes three…because I need an actual team of mental health professionals to keep my train from plunging off the rails into a metaphorical psychological ravine.  The sports psych has helped me tremendously in reframing how I look at training and racing.  He also recommended meditation and a gratitude journal which have improved my general well being to an incalculable degree.  I started doing both religiously, and I could not recommend these two practices enough.  If you take nothing else from this blog, take this..No matter who you are or what you do, a gratitude and mindfulness practice will assuredly help you in some way.

From a physical standpoint, I made a coaching change to Matt Hurley of Wyld Endurance.  His training methodology has been much different from what I was accustomed to with heavy focus on low heart rate based training and lactate testing.  My body has responded quite nicely, and confidence in my ability to race my best is still in front of me despite being nearly 41 years old. Most importantly, I feel like he gets my self sabotaging tendencies, and has structured my race plans in such a way that imminent self destruction is far less likely.  

Pre-Race and Race Morning

We arrived in Chattanooga on Friday afternoon with time to get down to check in and enjoy a great taco dinner (highly recommend Taco Mamacita).  On the way home from dinner, I noticed my throat was starting to get sore, a bad omen for sure, but I was hoping it would turn out to be nothing.  Unfortunately, I awoke on Saturday morning with a full blown upper respiratory infection.  With 24 hours until the race there was nothing I could do except make the best of the situation and hope another night sleep would make me feel better.  Mentally I had to downplay the situation because that was the only option (I haven’t done all this work for nothing!).  I woke up Saturday feeling a bit worse, but got my last ride and run in.  I noticed that my heart rate was abnormally high for effort levels which was a bit concerning, but did my best not to let it throw me off.  The rest of the day was pretty low key, and after bike check in I spent most of the day off my feet resting.  Detroit style pizza for dinner and off to bed at 9 p.m. for a 4 a.m. wake up.

I slept okay for the night before a race.  I woke up once with a severe sweat attack which I can only attribute to my body fighting whatever it is I managed to catch.  I’m not an excuses guy, so I just decided to put it out of my mind and begin checking the first of many boxes on the day.  The theme of the day would be proper execution.  I started with 100 grams of carbohydrate for breakfast in the form of cranberry protein oatmeal and applesauce.  I started sipping on Gatorade Endurance and would continue doing so all the way up until race start.  

We got to transition at about 4:55 am to pump tires and set up our bike and run setups.  I was met with a flat tire up front, but was able to get it switched pretty seamlessly.  Never the way you want to start a race morning, but sometimes you just have to roll with it.  After more time in transition than I cared for, we made our way to the shuttle buses down to the swim start.  Ironman did a great job with logistics and the trip down to the start couldn’t have been easier.

Swim: 1.4 miles, 27:54, 4th Men 40-44

There was a pretty nasty storm on Saturday night and the dam was let out, so I was pretty sure the swim would be wetsuit legal and fast due to current.  I decided that even if it was wetsuit legal, I was going to forego the wetsuit and swim in my swim skin.  The day was likely to be hot and the water temp was borderline wetsuit legal so I didn’t want to start the day more dehydrated than necessary.  I gave up some time to my wetsuit wearing competitors, but given the race plan I wasn’t concerned.

The swim strategy was to swim as easy as possible….like really easy.  Hurley told me to swim easier than I ever have before.  I’ll be honest, I was not mad at this strategy.  As a strong swimmer, it really took the pressure off the beginning of the race and allowed me to settle in.  I took a gel about 20 minutes before swim start.  As the 7 a.m. start approached I began making my way towards the front of the first swim corral.  Before I knew it, the gun went off and it was time to suffer for the next four and half hours.

The water was brisk without the wetsuit, but felt nice.  I proceeded to start swimming really easy.  The current was fast, and my 500 yard splits indicated I was swimming 1:05-1:10 pace despite a 1:20 effort level.  The water was a bit “chunky” as a result of all the debris from the storm but I was able to keep a clean line and find some feet.  Before I knew it I was approaching transition and ready to hit the bike.  I took the hill up from the water slow and steady and was really conservative in T1.  I definitely gave up a minute to my competition, but wanted to make sure I had everything in order before heading out on the bike.

Bike: 2:23:12, 11th Men 40-44

Avg Power 261, Norm Power 271, Avg HR 144, Avg Speed 23.7 mph

The plan for the bike was entirely heart rate and RPE based.  The plan was simple.  Ride at 140-145 bpm with a hard cap at 145.  My instructions were soft pedal if I found my heart rate went above 145 for a matter of minutes.  Based upon my training data, a 145 heart rate should have produced 290-310 watts. I expected to be on the lower end of that range due to heat and humidity and lack of heat acclimation.  I noticed pretty quickly that my power was low despite nailing the heart rate.  I found I was riding about 265-270 watts in the low 140’s.  Because my plan was not power based, I simply did my best to ignore it, and focused instead entirely on heart rate.  I didn’t let the low power numbers derail my mindset or execution, and I locked in on 145 and stayed there as perfectly as I could.

It was refreshing to have a different focal point which helped me stay focused without psyching myself out.  Knowing myself the way I do, if my plan had been power based, and I saw I was riding 265 instead of 290 I almost certainly would have started a self defeating parade of negative thoughts producing a much worse result.  The ride also went by much more fluidly and easily.  Because I was riding a very sustainable heart rate, I was not at risk of blowing myself up chasing a power number that was simply not there on the day.

30 miles passed in the blink of an eye and there were only a few sections of the course where I felt uncomfortable.  Nutrition was mapped out specifically.  The first hour was half a bottle of Maurten 320, a gel, and bottle mixed with 3/4 Gatorade Endurance and 1/4 water.  The second hour was 2 gels, one bottle of Gatorade Endurance and a bottle of water.  The remainder of the course (20 minutes) I finished the other half of the Maurten 320 and sipped on Endurance and water.  I nailed hydration spot on because I had to pee about 10 minutes before the end of the ride so I knew I was topped off before starting the run.

Generally speaking, the ride was pretty lonely.  A couple of guys hammered past me in the early stages and I had to check my ego and stick to my race plan.  Again this was freeing, willful ignorance of what others are doing is a great way to race.  After all, I can only do what I trained to do.  This is not a skill that comes easy to me, but 2022 Danny is determined not to repeat the mistakes of years past.

The middle part of the course was pretty lonely until I started catching some of the female pros during the last 1/3 of the ride.  For those planning to do this race in the future, know that about half the course has some pretty rough roads.  The first half of the course is also slower than the back half.  The course is rolling, but you can maintain speed through the majority of it.  The last 25 miles is largely pretty quick.  If the pavement were better this would be one of my favorite courses with a nice mix of terrain.  In typical Chattanooga fashion it was pretty warm and humid with none of the rain or clouds that had been in the forecast.

I came into T2 feeling quite good and having the confidence that I had executed exactly according to plan thus far.  My second transition was much better than the first and I was in and out pretty quickly.  Now it was time to face my real demons.

Run: 1:36:12, 11th Men 40-44

7:21/mile, Avg HR 157

Nutrition plan on the run was pretty simple.  2 gels in the first hour and 2 gels in the last 30 minutes or so.  At the aid stations I took on fluids and ice.  I used a combination of water, cola, and Gatorade Endurance.  I tried to take on at least two cups of something at each aid station while dumping ice down my kit.

The race plan was also heart rate based.  The idea was to keep heart rate in the low 150’s with a hard cap of 155.  I was to run with blinders exclusively focused on heart rate until mile 8 when I could re-assess based on how I was feeling.  By the time we got off the bike, the sun was blazing, and it was pushing 90 degrees.  I did a pretty good managing the conditions despite a lack of heat acclimatization in my training.

I was determined to execute the plan, and I did.  I immediately I noticed my heart rate was trending high (a definite theme of the day).  I focused on keeping it as close to 155 as possible knowing that 150 likely was not going to happen.  In doing so, I was able to control my fatigue and stay within myself.  I deliberately down shifted on the uphills, and kept the heart rate locked in.  I turned off the lap splits on my watch and totally ignored pace.  I set my auto split for three mile segments mostly so I could keep my heart rate consistent amongst 20-25 minute segments.  This was perhaps the best thing I did for myself.  Running ignorant of pace freed me from thoughts that I wasn’t running fast enough.  There were lots of guys that ran past me, but not as many as I would have thought.  I was controlling my suffering instead of the suffering controlling me.  Most importantly, I stayed consistent throughout the entirety of the run, and was able to race the last 5K as well as the first 5K for the first time in as long as I can remember.  

I only walked one time at an aid station at about mile 11 which was at the top of a steep hill.  This was a deliberate decision to let my heart rate drop after a spike from the hill.  I was able to immediately resume and get back to running well (for me).  I didn’t suffer any of the cramps or leg failures of years past.  I felt on the verge of cramping for the first mile or so, but once I got my running legs under me it subsided.  Perhaps most shockingly, the run went by kind of quickly.  The first 10K went by in a snap.  Racing smart allowed me to enjoy the experience of racing again.  Racing is hard, but the entire experience does not need to be a gritted teeth horror show.  There is a time and place for that effort, but I learned it does not need to be the majority of an already long day.  Don’t get me wrong, I was in hell for the last 30 minutes, but I can do anything for 30 minutes.

Closing Thoughts

I am proud for the first time in ages despite my time not being an accurate reflection of my capabilities and training.  I wrung everything possible that my body had on that day.  I left nothing on the table.  I listened to my body, stuck to the plan, and raced the best I possibly could based on conditions and not feeling my best.

I executed race and nutrition plans, and the reward was lessons learned and a good overall performance.  Most importantly, I know my race wasn’t close to my best (but in the best possible way).  There are several minutes of low hanging fruit on the the table just from being healthy.  The plan is working and I am sticking with it.  I feel grateful.  I am about 10-15 minutes away from being at the absolute top of age group and overall fields and I believe that is attainable and within my wheelhouse.  I am motivated to get back to training and see how far I can go this year.  Special Congratulations are also in order for my bro-in-law Ricky Devennish who finished his first half in lightning fast fashion despite racing wearing a decidedly un-aerodynamic upper lip quilt.  God speed Rocky Balboner....god speed.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention an old friend, Scott “Nails” Terry.  I reconnected with him last week, and found out he sustained a serious injury while serving our country as a Navy Seal.  The guy is a legit superhero and his positive outlook is inspiring.  Scott was kind enough to give me permission to race in dedication to his continued recovery.  In a few of the dark spots, I definitely dug deep for Nails. Inspiration can come from so many sources, I for one cannot think of a better inspiration than a true American hero.  Perspective is important, his character and sacrifice always me to run around in spandex and exercise excessively for fun.  It was sobering to have a real world reminder that there are real people doing the work that enables us to live this lifestyle. Thanks Nails.

As always, thanks for reading, thanks for your kind words and comments, and always happy to chat about anything triathlon or mental health related.  See you after the next one!

Born Anew in 2022: Shamrock Half Marathon Race Report

Total time 1:25:08 (13.18 miles- long course)

Half Mary Time- 1:24:43 (lifetime PR)

If you had the pleasure of reading my race report after the Waco 70.3 debacle last October, I suspect you were thinking...why does he continue to do this?  He is clearly not enjoying himself, not getting good results, no fun, suffering for no reason...etc.  What is the point of all this?  It's often said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.  Clearly, I was acting insane (for more than the obvious reasons). 

Following Waco, I did some soul searching about my future in sport, and what I would need to do to enjoy myself and be successful again.  I have been on a pretty vigorous self-improvement journey for the last few years.  The cliff notes are that for many years I became obsessed with Kona, and my single minded focus came to the detriment of my relationship with Britt and Sloanie.  I don't have many regrets, but one is that I was not the husband and father my family deserved.  It was particularly painful to come to this realization in the face of having a dad who is a real role model and hero. My failure to appreciate what was right in front of me culminated in me getting on a very expensive flight in the middle of the night to come back and face some hard truths in marriage counseling (of course I was on a training trip).  Since then I have worked hard to become a man my wife and kids can be proud of.  While there is always work to be done, I am proud to say that I did (and continue to) put in the work to become someone my girls can be proud of.  I am closer than ever to my daughters, and I will never let my priorities get out of line again. I show up for them every day and that will be my real legacy.

I have also been working with an individual therapist for my litany of issues including depression and anxiety.  At the end of last year, I came to the realization that two therapists and a medicine cabinet chock full of anti-depressants are simply not enough for this guy!  I need a whole team of professionals with an arsenal of tape of glue to keep me together.  With the support of friends and family, I was able to find an awesome sports psychologist with whom I have been working for several months (Shout Dr. Knackstedt at Virginia Tech).  Our work together has led to several important changes and tools.  I have learned to be kinder to myself, avoid comparisons to my peers and former teammates, and re-learned how to stand tall in the face of suffering.  Perhaps the most valuable practices I incorporated into my routines are a daily meditation (I really like the Calm App) and a gratitude practice.  I keep a gratitude diary on my phone, and each day I write down three things I am grateful for.  It has changed my whole mindset.  I sleep better and feel better, and as a result my body is functioning at a higher level.  I also created a few mantras I use in hard training and racing sessions, "I'm ready for you", "Huzzah", and "Let's F*cking Go".  Simply repeating these phrases helps keeps my head in the moment when I start feeling crappy.

I made a coaching change and hired Matt Hurley who is putting together a great squad at Wyld Endurance.  His training methodology is different from my previous coach, and there is a much bigger focus on lower zone heart rate work, but when we go hard, we go hard.  The result has been that I have been fresher for my hard sessions, and have been successful in making some big strides.  In the first three months of this year, I was able to ride 60 minutes at 360 watts and set a lifetime PR at the half marathon distance last weekend.  Everything feels more in balance and I'm not mentally and physically cooked 24/7.

Our focus in the first quarter of the year has been to get my running more on par with my swimming and biking abilities.  I spent a lot of time increasing my cadence, working on form, and doing run intervals to prepare to run in the low 1:20's.  I feel reasonably confident that if I can get to the point where I am consistently running 1:25-1:27 off the bike I will be in the mix for most podiums at the 70.3 distance. Also, the simple fact remains if I want to run 3:15 off the bike in an Ironman, I need sub 3 open marathon capability.  My run training has gone really well.  A benchmark session a few weeks ago in the lead up to Shamrock Half included 5x1 mile at 6:15 pace on 1:00 recovery with a sixth mile hard at 5:48.  I have been fortunate to have my buddy Joe Strukl training with me every step of the way, and we had high hopes of running toe to toe best times at the race.  

With that as a back drop, I traveled to Virginia Beach last weekend for the Shamrock Half Marathon.  Going into the race I felt a lifetime PR was going to happen, it was just a matter of by how much.  Looking at the data from the last three months established my threshold heart rate was about 163 bpm.  We have been able to determine I can hold that HR, but if it begins to approach 165 bpm I get into trouble FAST!  The plan was to hold 6:20 pace with a heart rate cap of 163 for the first 10 miles and then get after the last 5K.  I took a Maurten Gel at miles 3, 6, 9, and 11.  I wanted to be in a position to dictate pace rather than be in survival mode.  I did not set any arbitrary time goals.  Instead my focus was on execution and hitting benchmarks.  To quote Sher-Pa, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.  Process and execution, not times or placing.

On the day of the race, we had excellent weather conditions.  The wind was manageable and the temperature was warm.  It ended up being about 60 degrees which was way warmer than my training prepared me for, and I don't think I was well acclimated.  It wasn't a huge factor, but probably contributed to me running slightly slower than I could have.

 

Mile 1- 6:20, 153 HR

Mile 2- 6:24, 161 HR

Mile 3- 6:27, 163 HR

I honestly expected the first three miles to come off easier than they did.  I was hoping 6:20 was going to feel like easy speed, and my heart rate would stay below 160.  It became immediately apparent that the race plan needed to be modified as my HR was already at threshold, and the pace was slightly slower than I was expecting.  The good news was even though I didn't feel good, I did feel I could control pace in the mid 6:20's and decided the prudent move was to hold steady with hopes I could drop pace on the home stretch.

Mile 4- 6:27, 162 HR

Mile 5- 6:28, 163 HR

Mile 6- 6:26, 164 HR

Mile 7- 6:25, 164 HR

Mile 8- 6:24, 164 HR

Mile 9- 6:26, 164 HR

The middle section of the race takes you out into Fort Story which is pretty quiet.  The base is closed to the public so the only crowds are from service members.  It is nice that some of them come out and watch and it's good to thank them for their service.  Joe and I were running step for step until about Mile 8 when he dropped back.  I don't think he was feeling as good as he hoped either.  I did my best to stay consistent with the small group that had formed in my area.  By the time I reached the end of Fort Story, I knew there would be no miraculous 6:00/mile last 5k.  But, the tools I've learned with my various therapies allowed me to roll with the changed circumstances and make the best of what my body was giving me on the day.  Although the pain level was starting to ratchet up significantly, I went to my mantras and kept my mind on each mile as it came.

Mile 10- 6:30, 164 HR

Mile 11- 6:28, 165 HR

Mile 12- 6:33, 165 HR

Mile 13- 6:37, 165 HR

I was deep in the pain cave the last few miles. I was audibly grunting trying to keep it together.  I just kept repeating my mantras, and despite blowing up a little, I didn't really blow up all that much.  Last year I would have folded like an accordion, but this year I welcomed and embraced the pain and challenged myself to keep on pace as best I could.  There were definitely long sections where I was running with my eyes closed as though I could somehow shield myself from lactate if I wasn't able to see... the silly games we play to keep moving as endurance athletes.

I can't be mad at a PR, but I know it wasn't my best day.  In my de-brief with Hurley, he thought the most likely scenario was 1:23, and I agree, but for some reason it just wasn't there on the day.  Danny 2022 is choosing not to focus on the negative, and instead I am taking pride in the fact that I am faster than I've been at 40 years old.  As I told my therapist today, I have the encouraging feeling that I still have many PR's in front of me, and my age has not yet robbed me of the ability to be faster than I ever have before.  I know father time is undefeated and at some point lifetime PR's will no longer be possible, but not today, not today.

I am excited for the coming months.  Next up is a little vacay with my beautiful bride in April, and then Chatty 70.3 in May followed by Roanoke 70.3 in June.  I am super excited for this season and I feel like things are again moving in the right direction.  I am ready to prove myself ready and capable to compete at a high level again.  If all goes well I will be racing Chattanooga full in September.  As always, I welcome any feedback and thanks for reading!