Episode 16 ("A New Hope")

Let's Start With Mantras and Gratitude

"Enjoy It, You Can Do It, I'm Ready for You"

I am a firm believer that no person is an island, and success is only possible as a result of love and support of friends, family, and coaches.  I would be remiss if I didn't dedicate this race report to the friends and family that nursed me back to sporting health and enabled me to find joy again.  Without further ado, thank you to Brittany, Sloanie, and Chandler bear.  The fulfillment I get as a husband and father is my chief source of happiness and self worth.  Thank you to Dida and SherPa who have been tirelessly supporting my pursuits, and schlepping me around the world since the late 80's.  Thank you to my siblings Jacko, Lum Lum, RD (aka Rocky Balboner), and Bobby Bondurant.  Your love and support is always felt from near and far.  Jacko has been at both of my KQ races...there might be some special magic there :) 

Thank you to my mother in law, Amy, and her beau, Giani.  Your help in watching our girls enables my crazy work and training schedule.  Thank you to my childhood swim coach (and lucky charm), Jeanna Bouzek.  How many people still have their coach from when they were 8 cheering them on at races at age 41?!?!?! Thank you to my dear friends and training partners, Graham, Joe, Chris, Steve, Jason, Ian, Alden, and Trey.  We have put in many miles together and they are the ultimate hype men.  Thank you to Bryan Schleppy, a friend I made in 2019 at Ironman Chattanooga, and despite barely knowing each other, has always had my back and was so kind and generous during our stay in Chatt.  Thank you to Katy McBryar and her boys, Eli and Baker.  They hosted my wife and kids and drove them to like 15 different spots on the course.  Your generosity made my race unequivocally less stressful and more fun.  Thank you to Eric Limkemann, my coach of the previous 8 years.  His work got me to a world class level I could not have reached alone.

Thank you to Matt Hurley of Wyld Endurance, my coach and dear friend.  You have coached my body and mind to new levels, and unlocked something in me I thought was lost.  I feel like having you as a coach is like having a triathlon cheat code (you are the up/up/down/down/left/right/left/right/B/A/B/A/ select/start of coaches...#IFYKYK), and I can't wait to see what we can do moving forward.  Thank you to Dr. Paul Knackstedt, my sports psychologist.  You helped me understand and re-frame my relationship to sport and to myself.  You enabled me to do something that is not easy for me....race with a smile on my face while having confidence.  You also gave me the tools to accept what I can control and how I can react to situations.  Words can't describe how much you have helped me.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I've been involved in endurance sport for a loooong time... 35 years if you count my pre-triathlon swimming career.  The only period I wasn't actively involved in endurance sport was 2005-2007 when I hadn't yet discovered triathlon.  Unfortunately, for my wife, I did (Sorry Britt, I love you!).  My first Ironman was 2011, and I think Chattanooga was my 16th attempt.  I'm sure I could ascertain the actual number, but for the sake of ease let's call it lucky number 16.

I've made no secret of my recent history with the sport.  After breaking through in late 2017, I had a string of forgettable races.  In fact, my last Ironman attempt in 2019 ended with me lying on the side of the road waiting for medical.  In hindsight, I was overcooked physically and mentally.  I was chasing outcomes and expecting to feel fulfilled.  There was no joy, just checking boxes.  I had an unhealthy focus on times/placing/podiums.  Every race soured feelings toward myself and the sport.  I had no confidence, was having no fun, and was training and racing as a matter of habit more than a matter of choice.  Addiction to fitness is real, and I have it.  

I've been open about my mental health struggles which are often inextricably tied to my sporting pursuits.  I have had bouts of depression since college, and for the last five years, occasional episodes of anxiety.  Often my downward cycles are triggered by a bad result, poor training, or injury.  My negativity culminated last fall at Waco 70.3.  After having a strong swim and bike, and being among the lead amateurs on the run, I quit.  I can say that now with no reservations.  Despite objectively being in a good position on course, I could not physically will myself to keep going.  I was trapped in a negative thought vortex and had no fight left to give.  The shame and guilt associated with "quitting" forced me to take a real hard look at myself.  It was time to either move away from the sport or change my preparation.  If I were to continue, I would need some serious help.  Enter the super team of Matt Hurley and Dr. Knackstedt.

Beginning last winter, I started with a different training approach and started working with Dr. K and Matt.  Slowly but surely, they helped rebuild my fragile mind and body into something resembling a useful triathlete again.  Their involvement in my development allowed me to focus first on being a good husband and father, and second on being a good athlete.  I stopped defining myself with sport, and helped me further re-align my real value as what I can be for my family.  Slowly, I began to find confidence, and was loving my training and racing experience.  By the time I reached this Ironman build, I was fitter, faster, happier, and more well rounded than I ever have been before.  My priorities are in the right order and my fabulous family is a testament to that.  

Pre-Race

We arrived in Chattanooga on Thursday evening and began to get settled in.  Friday morning, I got down to athlete check in and knocked out my swim/bike/run sessions for the day.  The body and equipment was all feeling/looking good.  I got to hang with my buddy Bryan at athlete village, and had a great day spending time with family.  In the evening I started the tedious job of getting my transition and special needs bags ready.  I did last minute checks on the bike, and installed the ice friction chain.  Saturday morning I slept in a bit and my kids did the IronKids race.  I had a great time running with Sloanie, and Chandler begrudging did the toddler race with Britt.  After brunch, I returned to transition for bike and bag check-in.  I prefer to get it out of the way so I am not staring at and tinkering with the bike and bags all day.  Drop off went smooth, and I familiarized myself with the flow of transition.

After check-in, mom, dad, Jacko, and I went up to see the monuments on Lookout Mountain.  It was a gorgeous day, and one of the best things about Ironman weekend is getting to spend so much time with my family.  We followed our sightseeing adventure with a trip down to Katie's house to see my girls and hang out at the pool.  As an aside, one thing no one can explain to you before you become a parent is how often you will need a break, but also how the second you are away, you are dying to see those little b^stards again.  I'm so lucky to have had both during my race weekend.  During one of my last therapy sessions, Dr. K asked me an important question about the race.  "How would you define a successful day?"  At the time he asked, I had absolutely no answer, but as I thought about it, the answer became very clear.

• 
  Race Joyfully
• Being Present in the moment
• Stick to the plan, race my race, blinders on
• Don't make the race more excruciating than it needs to be, but be prepared to suffer the last two hours
• Trust my preparation
• Get to the finish and feel proud regardless of place and time
• Break the mind body negativity connection on the run
• Hug and kiss my girls at every opportunity
• Roll with what the day gives
• Enjoy eating a million calories, and eat a million calories
• I don't "have" to do this.  I "get" to do this
• Be grateful for the opportunity to be great
  

None of my goals included a goal time, goal pace, placing, podium position, or Kona Qualification.  Of course those things are always present in the back of my mind, but I am in such a different place that regardless of those metrics, if I accomplished as many of the above goals as possible, then the day would be an unqualified success.  My mission was clear and I laid down at about 8:30 p.m. in an effort to get as much sleep as possible.

Race Morning

My alarm was set for 4 a.m., and typical of a pre-race night I only got a few hours of broken sleep.  Much to my chagrin, the weather was rainy.  The forecast called for a break in the rain during the swim followed by a brief period of rain ending at about 9 a.m. (this would not be the case).  For breakfast I had 100 grams of carbohydrate in the form of applesauce and instant oatmeal.  I sipped on some diluted Maurten 160 for some extra calories.  I made my way down to transition and met Graham.  We got our gear in order, did our final checks, and made our way to the shuttle down to swim start.  We got to swim start on the early side, which was good, because it was quiet and the "facilities" were wide open.  We hung out and chatted for about an hour and I snacked on a Maurten 225 bar.  As the light of day rose, we changed our position toward the water for the 7:30 a.m. start.  We donned our wetsuits and I had a Maurten gel about 20 minutes prior to the gun.  Graham elected to go right at the beginning of the first wave whereas I was in no rush to get in the water.  I knew I would pass a lot of people in the water, and with any luck Graham and I would come out together and actually ride some of the course together.  I ended up about 7 minutes back and as I walked down the ramp the Macklemore song "Can't Hold Us" was pumping through the speakers.  It was the perfect jam for the moment.  I felt an odd sense of calm as I approached the water and resigned myself to my plan.  I was determined to race for myself, and ignore everything on the outside.  

Swim (39:53/1st AG/5th Male/5th OA)

My marching orders for the swim were to swim as easy as possible, and if it didn't feel easy than swim easier.  The current was absolutely ripping, and this split is patently absurd.  My swim fitness is as good as it has been for 10 years, but sub 40 is nonsense.  In addition to the current, the swim was wetsuit legal.  The water temp was hovering around 76.1 in the days prior to the event which means there was a 120% chance that Ironman would find a nice deep cool spot to measure  water temp on race morning.  The majority of athletes prefer wetsuit legal swims and Ironman knows where its bread is buttered...voila wetsuits!  

The swim went by quickly and felt good (after the first 1000 yards).  In the first 1000 I had tightness in my shoulders as a result of  wetsuit restriction.  After 10 minutes, it subsided, and the rest of the way was smooth sailing.  I had clean lines, kept my route inside of the buoys and encountered almost no swim traffic.  My 500 splits were all ticking off right around 5:00 each, so I knew the split would be fast.  As I exited the water, my goal was to be slow and steady.  We were trying to avoid building any unnecessary lactic acid or spiking my heart rate.  I was slow and steady through transition which was totally uneventful. I hit a Maurten gel as I put on my helmet and shoes. As I got on the bike, it was still dry and I was hoping it would stay that way.  Alas, it was not to be, and the next 5 hours was going to be quite hairy at times.

Bike (5:10:06/1st AG/12th Male/12th OA)

Avg Power 240/Norm Power 253/Avg HR 138/Avg Speed 22.3

The plan on the bike can be summarized with two concepts, heart rate and calories.  I planned to ride between 135-140 bpm with a hard cap of 145 bpm.  I ignored power and focused instead on 80-90g of carbohydrate per hour along with 40 oz of fluid.  I was supposed to increase the amount of Gatorade consumption in the back half of the ride to pump up the electrolyte content.  

In the first hour, I had a bottle of Maurten 320 and water.  Including the gel in transition that put me at 105g of carbs and about 40 oz of fluid.  In the second hour I had another Maurten 320 and a Maurten Solid 225,  This amounted to 120g of carbs supplemented with water.  In hour 3, I stopped at special needs (which I was on the fence about) and grabbed a third bottle that had two Maurten 160s mixed together.  This gave me another 80g of carbs and I began sipping Gatorade Endurance.  For the remainder of the ride, I utilized Maurten gels and Gatorade Endurance for my calories and electrolytes.  Hour four was a bottle of Endurance and two gels amounting to 90g of carbohydrate.  Sometime during the 3rd or 4th hour I started peeing on a fairly regular basis so I knew I was well hydrated.  In the latter parts of the ride I would pee within 5 minutes of last fluid consumption.  The 5th hour was the same, and included another bottle of Endurance and two more gels (90g carbs).  I was also sipping water for change of pace.  I saved one more gel (25g carbs) for the home stretch so I was topped off going into the run.  This was by far the most carbohydrates I've ever taken during an Ironman bike, and my energy was both excellent and consistent.  There was no fade, and the second loop was at least as strong as the first and probably stronger.  On the looped section of the course I split 2:05:44 and 2:05:33 respectively with the first loop including the stop at special needs.  

The weather during the ride was absolutely crazy.  About 5 miles in it started drizzling and by mile 10 it was pouring rain with a cross head wind.  That was when the thunder and lightning started.  Fortunately, the lightning was far off in the distance, and did not give me any real concern.  However, the gusts of wind were downright terrifying.  Once or twice a huge crosswind almost knocked me off my bike.  The combination of soaked roads and windy conditions made some sections of the course pretty dangerous.  This was one time I was glad to be 6'5 and 185 pounds.  I'm sure it was even more scary for those riders that are much smaller and susceptible to the wind.  

Unbeknownst to me, I came out of the water within a minute of Graham and he passed me like I was going backwards around mile 10.  He made a joke about grabbing my ass and then left me in the dust.  I was happy he was feeling good and thought to myself, "I guess that's the last I will see of him today!" (he's a stronger runner for sure).  Despite being dusted by my training partner, I kept the blinders on and stuck to my plan like glue.  Somewhere around mile 40-50 I caught back up to Graham on a climb, and got close enough to slap him on the butt and tell him how happy I was to see him.  We rode in proximity for about 20 miles before we lost touch.

The whole day I stared at my HR monitor, and focused on keeping it under 140.  I never wavered and stayed consistent all day.  I was blissfully ignorant of my power and didn't care.  I knew if I rode my HR, the power would take care of itself.  Typical of this course, I was passed by a few riders during the first loop, but rewarded for consistency on the second loop.  I started overtaking riders, and during the last 10 mile straight away I overtook three competitors.  The temperatures stayed in the 60's with high humidity and I was cool/cold for most of the ride.  It certainly helped keep the HR low as opposed to the blistering conditions we usually get at this race.  I was anticipating a much faster bike split based on Best Bike Split predictions, but the wind and rain made for a slow day and it was reflected in the splits of most of the top competitors.  On a warm dry day, I think this same ride would have put me closer to 5 hours.

Overall, the ride went by quickly, and despite the scary weather conditions I enjoyed every minute of it.  The increased calories were critical and made me realize how depleted I have been in previous races.  It's amazing what happens when you stick to the plan!  As I rolled into T2, my mindset was strong and I was ready to tick off the run miles with positivity.  The change into my run gear was relatively smooth, but I was feeling a bit of stomach discomfort so I dropped into the porta-potty before I hit the run course.  It cost me a minute or two, but I wanted to make sure I started the run in the best possible position.

Run (3:44:07, Avg HR 138, 8th AG, 48th Male, 58th OA)

The weather cleared on the run and suddenly it was bright and sunny, but not overly hot.  I agonized over which shoes to wear.  I am fortunate to have all the carbon super shoe options at my disposal.  Ultimately, I decided to go with the Asics Metaspeed Sky+.  They might not be quite as fast as the Alphaflys, but they feel the lightest, with the most "pop".  The plan on the run was similarly defined by HR and calories.  The goal was to run at 135-140 HR with a hard cap under 145.  This would be a challenge given the hilly nature of the run course.  The goal was to hit two gels per hour with Gatorade and coke at each aid station (50-60g carbs/hour).  The plan was to make sure I slowed sufficiently at each age station to get the proper amount of hydration (5-10 deliberate steps).  I also planned to take a lick of base salt after each 10K. 

I did not look at pace at all, and set my watch to auto split at 5 mile increments.  "Blinders on, keep the HR steady, the results will take care of themselves".  I ran blissfully ignorant of  pace, and it was the most enjoyable Ironman marathon I've ever done.  It wasn't flashy or particularly fast, but it was steady and consistent, and got the job done.  I never thought about my standing or a Kona slot, I just focused on ticking off each mile at the right HR while getting in the calories I needed.  Typically my wheels fall off somewhere around mile 13-15.  Matt had told me my race wasn't going to start until Mile 18.  I was laser focused on getting to 18.

The first 10 miles went by surprisingly quick, and I continued to feel strong.  There were a few runners passing me, but not  many.  I knew from my prior experience  that the hills on the second loop are where the race is won or lost.  If I was still grinding on the hills in the second loop I would finish well.  I got through the hills of the first loop steady and consistent and headed back out on the second loop feeling strong.  When I hit mile 15 I still felt strong.  I could feel muscle fatigue in my quads and hamstrings, but it was still manageable.  I knew that if I could get to Mile 18 with my head still in the game, this was going to be a successful day.

I ended up increasing the calories more than planned.  In the first hour I had the two gels along with Gatorade and Coke.  In the second hour I listened more to my body.  When I started to feel more fatigue or fog, I chalked it up to glycogen depletion and popped an extra gel.  I think I took three gels over the next hour along with the Gatorade/Coke.  After mile 10 I  took in more Base Salt.  I was doing two licks per serving instead of one.  Every time I felt the slightest hint of cramping I would take another hit or two of salt.  I was taking it in about every 2-3 miles.  When I got to Mile 18 still feeling relatively strong I thought, "this is working, I am in uncharted territory".  From that point forward, I  focused on each mile as it came.  From mile 20-25 I slowed a bit, but not like years past.  I never stopped running and took a bit more time at the aid stations, but kept grinding at a steady pace.  As I crossed the bridge onto the second loop of hills, I thought, "5K of hell and then I'm home free".  I knew the downhill running would be the worst part and if I could keep  cramps at bay going downhill I would be okay.  

My family was on fire supporting me all day.  They were everywhere on course.  Every time I saw my girls I tried to give at least one of them a kiss.  Jeanna, Jackie, mom and dad were everywhere I needed them.  Jacko kept yelling, "check the boxes".  Jeanna was yelling "stick to the plan".  It was the perfect amount of encouragement.  Each time I saw them, I tried to give an indication that I was physically and mentally strong.  This was a totally different Ironman experience.  Of all the goals I set out for myself, I was most successful at racing with joy and gratitude and not making the race excruciating when it didn't need to be.  I stayed engaged and mentally present, and dare I say it was fun.

The last 5 miles were tough, and I was walking a fine line with cramping.  I was able to survive the hills, but the last downhill coming off Barton  Avenue was too much for the old meat sticks, and I had to walk the first time during Mile 25.  It was a short respite, and by the time I hit the footbridge I could smell the finish line and dug deep and increased my pace. Jeanna was there giving me a last bit of encouragement, and when I came off the bridge and passed back under it I looked up and saw Jeanna screaming from above.  I raised my arms yelled to her, and got ready for the finish chute.  I ran down that finish chute with pride and hit the finish line in the best physical condition of all my prior races.  "Daniel Royce from Midlothian, Virginia, you are an Ironman".  I knew I had a good day, but did not know my placing in the AG or the field at large.  

As  I walked through the finish area, I saw my family.  Dad told me I was third in the AG.  It was at that point I first thought I had a good chance to get back to Kona.  There was a high likelihood that my age group would have up to 5 Kona Slots.  I had faith, I stuck to the plan, I focused on what I could control, and the results took care of themselves.  Most importantly, I raced with joy and felt proud of my effort.  I have never felt so at peace with my effort in a competition of any kind.  The possibility of Kona felt like icing on the cake.  What a day! I felt so grateful for everything the previous hours had given me.

Post-Race:  Back to Kona Baby!!!!!

The following morning we went to awards, and I was grateful to stand on the podium with some fantastic competitors.  I met one of the guys I rode with on course, Joe McLeod.  He just missed a Kona slot in the 35-39 AG, but  is a super strong competitor with a great attitude, and I have no doubt he will punch his ticket soon.  It is so enjoyable meeting other athletes and learning about how they manage to train and race given their family and work situations.  I found out at awards  there would be 5 Kona slots, and proudly claimed mine when the time came.  Bryan Schleppy went out of his way to come to the awards and brought me a Lei to wear while I collected my Kona Slot. I told my dad that the first KQ felt a little bit like a fluke, but this one felt more like I was in control...it felt more real.

I feel so proud and happy in a way I have not previously experienced.  I also feel content which is totally foreign to me, but quite calming.  I am different, and feel as though I still have better races in front of me.  Father time is undefeated, but I am not yet ready to concede to him.  I genuinely believe  there are PRs still in front of me, and look forward to applying another year of this training methodology to prepare for Kona.

If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my musings (I tend to be long winded in these reports).  As always, I welcome any questions or feedback and I am happy to chat with anyone about how I train, race, fuel, and manage to be a semi-responsible member of society.  Thanks for reading!!!!  Aloha!!!!!